Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
