the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
3pm strippers are depressing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
