So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
