yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
