having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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