And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
