I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
