my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
