so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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