so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My feet surprised me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
