i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
