um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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