I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
