So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I believe in your delicious
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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