i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
