I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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