I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
