I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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