All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
