The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
