I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
