You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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