my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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