I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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