Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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