So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
