I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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