i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
