we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
