Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
