first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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