Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
