Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
