My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
