I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
