So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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