He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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