I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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