didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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