I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i would punch a child for taco bell
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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