You really coming over, don't trick.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
