I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
