i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
