he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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