Dual....:-)
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
