Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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