I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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