maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
