I don't usually arrange sex via text message
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
