that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
