Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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