Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
