One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
