i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
